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Why it doesn't matter
 Does it matter what I say to try and convince him otherwise? No, because he's so wrapped up in the thought that it's him it doesn't matter what I say.

He said I've closed up, but thats for a reason... It doesn't matter the reasoning anyway because he just sees it as me trying to push him away. Maybe he's right, maybe that is what I'm doing... but it's not because I don't care about him. It's because I care about him more than I could ever say. Not being with him, not freely laughing and joking and smiling and having him by my side makes my eyes burn and heart ache more than he could understand...

But that doesn't matter because it's not about me, it's about him about me saving him from the inevitable pain. I'm not ready to settle down, I was leaving this town to start a new life, to start fresh. It kills me not having him part of that but we both need to find ourselves on our own before we can be there and committed to each other. 

Once again that doesn't matter either. All he sees is the pain, the thought that I don't want him, that he's not good enough, but he's more than I ever hoped for. More than I could live with if I dragged him away from home, broke his heart and ruined his new start too.

None of it matters because he's hurt and he has the 100% false impression that it was because of him.


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